By Swami54 on July 29th, 2008 (more posts by author)

The next time you're outside take a second and look at everyone's front lawns. Is there anyone doing anything useful with them? If so it's probably for maintenance. Mowing, weeding, watering, planting flowers, trimming hedges, laying down mulch...which are all a pain in the ass (unless your green thumb enjoys planting). Front lawns are useless yet most people have to give them time or the neighbors get pissed. I told this to my girlfriend/future wife and she said "They look nice". Of course they do because everyone is wasting their time out there but they serve no purpose other than aesthetics which is just a byproduct of what our society is used to from a home.

Obviously the backyard is where it's at. BBQ, bags, playing catch, kids running around. I currently own a townhouse and am semi considering buying a house but I don't want to keep up with the yard. That's the main reason I haven't bought one. Maybe my rants to my girlfriend are so when the inevitable house buying occurs I can let the front yard go to hell and let a jungle sprout up. "It's nature honey...wouldn't want to waste that precious gas mowing the useless unused front yard" So DOWN WITH FRONT YARDS!!! I'm putting in astroturf.

A couple of weeks ago I was at a summerfest in a suburb and forgot to move my car from the side street. I walked down to my car around 3am and literally 5 feet from the sidewalk were two (I'm assuming hammered) buck naked people getting a little 69 action on. My first thought was "Damn I left my cell phone inside" and then I strolled past trying not to stare. I got in my car and realized no one was going to believe me so I turned the corner and told this guy out having a smoke that their was a 69 show a couple of houses down. He looked at me in disbelief and I said "I had to tell someone". As I pulled away and looked in my rearview mirror he was turning the corner for the show.

Now if that becomes the official use for front yards then I'll take back my damning words and cheer on the lonely front yard.