By EdmondDantes on December 2nd, 2007 (more posts by author)

So I check my calendar late in the day and realize that I’m supposed to be at a concert/fundraiser at the Japanese consulate here in LA in a little over an hour. I contemplate blowing it off, but I know the host is expecting me so I resign myself to the gig. As it turns out, I didn’t have a suit on so I needed to jam home from my office, change and make it back across town, in traffic, by 6:30 or so.

Anyway, I make my way home, pull on a suit and head back out. Now my car came off lease a couple of weeks ago but I haven’t had a chance to find a new rig, so I’ve been rolling around in some rental car that Enterprise dropped off. Anyway, I’m moving along the 10 freeway and I flip down the visor to check my tie. Bam! A gigantic spider drops into my lap and scampers down my leg to the floor. Holy crap!

Ok, this was not some Little Miss Moffet spider…not some daddy long legs “I can run across the surface of water” whisper of a spider…no, in fact, this monster was just slightly smaller than a tarantula I once saw while hiking in Big Sur. Big brown body, furry legs…straight out of Raiders of the Lost Ark. I have no idea where he came from or how the damn visor even stayed in place with this beast on top of it, but in any event, he was now milling around the floorboards.

I grew up in Maine and am not a city boy—I’ve had plenty of critters in between me and where I’m headed—but when you go to check your look and a spider the size of a small dog drops in your lap in a dark car at 60 mph, it’s unsettling. It’s like having the Starbucks girl tell you your coffee is ready and tossing a live snake at you instead of your nonfat latte. WTF!

I’m in traffic in the fast lane, so I turn on the interior lights, work my way over to the shoulder, pull over and jump out. I look back in and hunt the beast down. Ok, there he is staring at me from the console like Kong on the Empire State Building. Whatever, dude, I’m tight for time—I sweep the shaggy bastard out of my car with the rental agreement, collect my wits and head on to the consulate.

Later at the consulate, I’m sitting at a table with one of the artists for the evening, the head of a local bank, a newspaper rep and, as it turns out, some hitter from Lexus of Southern California. After a couple of speeches, a brief series of performances by three young pianists (all cute Asian girls, btw) and some pretty amazing sushi (it was the Japanese consulate after all), I recount my rental car/spider story to my tablemates. The Lexus guy was like “Uh, call me tomorrow and we’ll hook you up.” Ok, you know what, maybe I will. Did I mention my wife’s car is off-lease in two months’ as well?

It’s all about table draw and seat selection, boys!