By Bond18 on March 28th, 2008 (more posts by author)

I was doing the paper work necessary for the Party Poker Million cruise today and they have a player profile section you need to fill out for TV and marketing purposes. At first I filled the sheet out straight, but then I let a wise crack slip in. One thing led to another and, well, I'll let you read it for yourself. Here's what I'm sending back Party Poker:

Player Profile

(This information may be used for TV production and Marketing purposes)


Full name: _____George Anthony Dunst______________

Place of birth: __Milwaukee Wisconsin, United States_________________

Age: _23__________________

Current place of residence: ___Melbourne, Australia________________

Profession: _Poker player and degenerate extraordinaire. For legitimacy purposes I am also a writer.________________

Marital status: ___single but my girlfriend has dug her claws in pretty deep.________________

Children: ___none________________

Ages: ___________________

When and how did you get into Poker: __Age 18, playing with friends in high school. I was the school bookie, but eventually that dried up, so I had to find a new way to hustle my friend’s money.

Who is your favorite Poker player and why: __Mike ‘Timex’ McDonald because he gives me money to gamble with and never yells at me when I lose it.

Career Highlight - Live tournaments titles: __I am a 100% failure at live poker. I’m talking Napoleon at Waterloo level failure here.

- Online tournament titles: _I’m not sure how many wins anymore. Biggest was on Full Tilt 100 rebuys for 36k.

Favorite past time, sports or hobbies: __Watching Brett Favre work his magic. Playing Call of Duty 4. Keeping Timex in the middle class.

Personals goals or ambition: _I want to make a lot of money playing poker. I want to save up enough money that I can buy an enormous mansion and place everything valuable in the world in it. Then after I’ve accumulated everything important I’ll one day keel over in old age, dropping a snow globe as I fade into death, mumbling “Rosebud” with my last breath.

Favorite Movie: _The Godfather

Favorite Music: _Elvis__________________

Favorite Place: _They’re all pretty good, except Shanghai. Shanghai sucks.

Describe yourself in 5 words: Baddest motherfucker of all time.