By Adanthar on April 4th, 2008 (more posts by author)

In no particular order, but maybe I'll make a top 10 list out of this someday!

1)"AK is a drawing hand". I've never met anyone that took this phrase seriously who has won any money at poker and I'm pretty sure I never will.

2)"I raise to find out where I am". Could you possibly find out where you are without (usually) lighting a PSB on fire? Probably. Are you guaranteed to use that information properly once you get it? Nope. Can you strategically use this phrase in a liveament to greatly alter your image as seen by the guy to your left? Definitely!

3)"I put him on AK."
3a)"I put him on two overs."
3b)"I put him on AA."

Fortunately, I found a great way to always put myself on AA, too. All I had to do was go to the PokerStars directory on my hard drive and replace every card graphic with an ace. Now I get aces every hand!

4)"[Insert site here] is rigged/has action flops/something something random number generator something"

I helped uncover a cheating scandal, but rest assured, I'm still laughing at you. However, all is not lost: buy this book and read it cover to cover three or four times. If you still believe it after this, your personality type is probably wrong for poker*.

*this does not prevent me from ironically whining about my terrible run on AIM*
**also, equally ironically, the rumor is the guy that wrote it is now busto, too

5)"I fold and wait for a better spot"

This tournament-exclusive term is one of the main reasons why cash game players laugh at us. It's not technically wrong on its own, but since it's usually used as a justification to not see a showdown after putting in 1/3 of your chips as a nice favorite vs. his range, odds are that you're doing it wrong.

Feel free to toss in more submissions in the comments :)